I found Michael Nethercott's story Whippoorwill to be interesting. He begins "I need to reach back over two decades for this, but I believe his name was Gabe." I found this introduction to be a both intriguing and clever way to start the story. The introduction makes it more convincing for the reader that the narrator is intent on telling his story. In the second and third paragraph of his story, Nethercott does a good job giving insight to the narrator. Without actually describing specific traits, he is able to portray the narrator's personality by his thought process and actions such as, "Hitching as many miles as I had, I knew how to offer up conversation". In the third paragraph however he uses a phrase that I found to be cliche' when he notes the popular saying "the kiss of death". On the second page he offers more good insight to the character of the narrator especailly when he writes, "I saw my role as that of the traveler seeking safe conduct, vulnerable to the caprices and compassion of those who offered me passage."
I feel that the first sentence in the 5th paragraph which states, "Gabe was not rushing towards intimacy, in any fashion." However I felt that this was already implied earlier in the story. I also felt that this changed too quickly in the next paragraph, and the line, "Could he truly be romancing me?" seemed to come out of nowhere. Again on page three in the last paragraph, the line, "I wished I were already home" also seemed to come out of nowhere as it is indicated that the narrator is a traveler who doesn't seem to have a permanent "home". I enjoyed the first paragraph of dialogue and I felt that it was true to the characters. For example, the slang that Gabe uses further displays his rough trucker personality. Nethercott's writing is also descriptive and this is evident in areas such as on the third page when he writes, "During that mute interval, my eyes drifted on the current of highway lights, white and red flames curving upon black miles, and my thoughts fed slowly on images of friends and family." He also provides a good description on page four when he writes, "Gabe let his memories play out for a minute or two, then continued." However I felt that this scene could have been even more descriptive by explaining HOW he let his memories play out...what was his facial expression? How does the narrator know he is doing this? I also thought the line on page six, "A blended wave of regret and melancholy now curled over my heart", could be shown rather than stated. Overall though, I felt that the story was interesting through the development of the characters and the imagery and descriptions.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Some really wise observations about "Whipporwill," comments that, were author Nethercott to hear them, I'm sure he'd appreciate and find helpful. Much of the story's strength lies in what is left unstated—that is, what's implied. But in that sense it's also a risky story that asks a fair amount of readers, and that isn't likely to work for everyone.
The blog looks very good. Keep this up.
I liked your blog a lot. I thought it was funny that you called it an amateur's critique because it looked very professional. You actually made me look at some of the descriptions in a different way, when you wrote,
"I enjoyed the first paragraph of dialogue and I felt that it was true to the characters. For example, the slang that Gabe uses further displays his rough trucker personality." I never really thought about it in that way but it makes sense. I commented in my critique that I thought he had some interesting word choices but that he chose the words that a trucker would use makes a lot of sense.
I agree with a lot of what you said about this story. The way he writes is fascinating and it always kept my attention. I also wondered about the homosexual tendencies of Gabe and why those were scattered through the story.
Post a Comment